The right swipes
There’s good news for fans of child control this week as ‘hi-tech swipe cards’ (only in the Evening Herald could ’swipe cards’ be described as ‘hi-tech’) are introduced at Stoke Damerel Community College in Plymouth.
The cards apparently allow concerned parents to stop their children eating so-called forbidden foods.
No longer is it a teenager’s god-given right to waste their pocket money on winter mixture sweets and pasties, because now their control-freakin’ parents are programming the card to only purchase twigs and bits of string and stuff.
Although some parents use the system to prevent diabetic children from eating the wrong food or have blocked fish or meat for religious reasons (don’t get us started), the majority of them simply want to keep a beady eye on what their kids are cramming into their flapping maws at lunchtime.
Are these the same ‘concerned parents’ that are serving their kids Findus Crispy Pancakes and Ketchips for dinner? Yes, they chuffing are (allegedly).
But there’s even more good news. According to the Herald, the £30,000 system has speeded up queues in the canteen.
Staff simply have to ’swipe a card, rather than press several keys, open a draw and put the cash inside’.
Oh yes, using a till is certainly a laborious process. The new system is worth every penny, we say.
So, inspired by all this voodoo magic, we’ve come up with the PRSD credit card. When you use it to buy a wide-screen TV or something, it orders you an ethically branded t-shirt so you can go spread the message instead.
Posted by Thin White Duke
If you liked this story, you could buy us a coffee --------------------------------------------------------------------July 5th, 2006
