Peoples Republic of South Devon

Febrile Fitz # 1

We’re a bit fed up with those Trago Mills/UKIP thingies now, and have decided there’s much richer comedy pickings in the Evening Herald’s weekly column by David Fitzgerald.

“Who’s he?” we hear you froth.

Well, described simply as a ‘broadcaster’ at the top of his column, many citizens in the People’s Republic are probably more likely to remember him for appearing on TSW with his hand up a stuffed rabbit.

A soi-disant ‘man of the people’, Fitz makes a great show of ‘telling it like it is’, and ‘insulting as many people as possible’, with regular appearances by Ratboy (his son) and The Enemy (his wife).

Like the Trago ads, there’s plenty of gold in thar hills, but who wants to wade through Fitz’s stream of consciousness prose to find the good stuff within? Answer: Absolutely nobody.

So that’s why we’re gonna do the hard work for you, in the first of an occasional series entitled, rather excitingly, Febrile Fitz.

This week’s column is a good column for fans of misogyny, racism and surrealism. Here goes:

FEBRILE FITZ # 1

ONE BUNNYHOP: “Who was that bloke who won the ladies’ Wimbledon final? Had a jaw like a digger bucket on a JCB!”
TWO BUNNYHOPS: “I noticed that Italy lost the press battle to Zidane after planting one on Materazzi. They only seemed to be together for a few moments before the scuffle. What insults can you get out about the French in such a short space of time? I’d need at least half an hour, a wall planner and a Powerpoint presentation.”
THREE BUNNYHOPS: “Have you tried to lift liquid bread?”

Oh, Fitz, you are a one. We could go on but three bunnyhops seems like a nice round number, doesn’t it?
Bye children.

Posted by Thin White Duke

July 18th, 2006

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Bully beef

Here’s a story which shouldn’t be surprising but kind of is.

The League Against Cruel Sports has recently revealed how cities and towns throughout Britain are indirectly supporting bullfighting.

Plymouth, we’re ashamed to note, is one of the guilty areas on the list, along with the likes of Dunfermline, Manchester, Peterborough, Stafford and Stockport.

All of these glamorous places are twinned with communities in Spain, France and Portugal which actively support and subsidise the rather unsavoury ’sport’.    

The league has written to the relevent councils to alert them to this connection, but is also encouraging citizens of the People’s Republic to use their ‘Euro Power!’ and choose holiday destinations that have turned their backs on bullfighting - y’know, like the or something.

You can learn how to use your ‘Euro Power!’ and find a list of the locations still supporting bullfighting on www.bullfightingfree.org.
And, hey - if we work together, one day, the only red rags matadors will be waving will be PRSD t-shirts while helping old peasant ladies across the road.

Posted by Thin White Duke

July 18th, 2006

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