Peoples Republic of South Devon

Febrile Fitz # 2

July 25th, 2006

As regular viewers may have noticed, our much-loved Mill Communication feature was missing in action again last week. This is because, due to circumstances beyond our control, the Trago Mills/UKIP thingies are ‘a bit shit’ these days. Who’d have thought right-wing zealotry could get so boring, eh?

So, we’ve turned our attention to the comedy stylings of the Evening Herald’s weekly column by David Fitzgerald.

Yes, everyone’s favourite ex-TSW presenter (after Judi Spiers, Ruth Langsford, Ian Sterling and Gus Honeybun) continues in his quest to ‘tell it like it is’ with all the easy charm of a fledgling Richard Littlejohn.

Like the Trago ads, there’s plenty of wheat among the ‘chaff’, but who wants to wade through Fitz’s ramblings to find the good stuff within? Answer: Absolutely nobody.

So that’s why we’re doing the hard work for you, in our occasional series entitled Febrile Fitz.

This week’s column is a good column for fans of Rainman-like observations about doing skag in the bogs. Enjoy:

FEBRILE FITZ # 2

ONE BUNNYHOP: “Apparently WD40 is sprayed on the top of toilet cisterns to stop drug addicts laying out a line of coke. WD40 instantly dissolves the drug. My father smells of WD40 and has done for the past 30 years! He told me he went to Carlyon Bay last month, maybe it was Colombia?”
TWO BUNNYHOPS: “Now I understood why only last week I was bathed in a blue fog as I stepped into a local public loo. At best the lighting could be described as dim, on a clear day you could see as far as the condom machine.”
THREE BUNNYHOPS: “Ultraviolet light makes it impossible for addicts to find a vein. I used ultraviolet lights in my early disco days in and around Exeter to see what underwear the local talent had.”

Oh, Fitz, you are a one.
Bye children.

Posted by Thin White Duke

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