Not Bad For A Girl: How do you know when you're good enough?

By Katie Marie, on Thursday, September 2, 2010

Helloo there lovely peeps! It’s nice to be back writing again, hope you’ve had a really great summer and managed to enjoy at least a few rays of sun.

Life for me has been very manic, lots of music (yay) and lots and lots of travelling around (not so yay lol). I’ve been to Germany, Bristol, back to Germany again (lol), then it’s been Woking, Oxford, Bristol, Plymouth, Witney, Cheltenham, Bath, Bournemouth, Brixham, Bath (outside in the pouring rain!!), Newton Abbot, Bristol and Honiton… phew!

As many peeps who know me know I love being so busy, especially with oodles of lovely musical type stuff. I’m one of these odd creatures that get a real buzz out of playing one venue, having about two hours sleep and then whizzing off to the next musical adventure. Having not much sleep would usually make me pretty cranky, but for musical purposes it’s perfectly fine with me.

Doing so much travelling has also allowed me to do lots of thinking, which with me is not necessarily a good thing! I’m one of these peeps who’s a real worrier. I worry about the craziest of things. If I’ve nothing to worry about then I’m worried. And yes, it is as annoying as it sounds.

So during my travels I was pondering about all sorts of things. But there was one major thing that was playing on my mind more than usual – and that was the question, am I really good enough? It’s something that I’ve never properly thought about before, because I’ve always been so driven by my love and passion for music that I’ve not stopped too long to think about it.

I’m really proud of everything I’ve managed to achieve over the years and I’m also so grateful for all the amazing peeps I’ve met along the way. But how do you know when you’re good enough? I learnt long ago that music is a never-ending journey and a very steep learning curve that you will never, ever reach the end of. Sounds slightly depressing, but I actually find it a real positive thing as there will *always* be new lessons to learn and new musical stuff to play!

‘But are you good enough?’ My mind kept asking. ‘How do you know you’re good enough? Hmm??’ Actually, I’m not too sure now I think about. What if I’d become so driven by my passion and love for the process of doing and playing music that I’d not actually stopped to think about whether what I was doing was any good or not? It appeared my mind had opened up a whole fresh can of stupid scary thoughts and was having lots of fun emptying the entire contents out me. Bugger.

About a week or so went by and I still couldn’t come up with a suitable answer to my question. ‘Just because I am’ didn’t seem like a good enough response to put my mind at rest. So I carried on my day-to-day stuff, hoping that I’d either find the answer or that the question would just fade away and I’d find something far more constructive to think about… sadly neither happened.

Just at the point where I thought my poor little head would explode off my shoulders, I had a gig with Nicky Swann in Plymouth. The venue where we played was really lovely and we had lots of fun. Even though I was talking and playing and drinking the question was still lurking in the back of my mind and it really did seem like nothing at all was going to make it go away.

At the end of the night we packed up all our things and loaded up ready to depart. Nicky and I were walking up the hill towards the car, chatting about various episodes of TV programs when from out of the blue this very very (very!) drunk woman grabbed my arm and said, ‘I heard what you were saying, about not being good enough!’ After I’d got over the shock of being grabbed by some crazy drunk lady in the dark I just laughed as I could see she was a bit worse for wear (to say the very least).

She released her grip around my arm and began to point like her life depended on it. ‘You don’t think you’re good enough do you?’ She then wobbled about a bit and continued, ‘Stop thinking you’re not good enough because you’re amazing at what you do.’ Then the reality of what she was saying suddenly hit home. ‘Holy crap,’ I thought, how on earth could this apparently bonkers and hammered woman know so much?

I just starred in amazement that she seemed to know what was playing in my mind. ‘You need to let go of the fear and stop worrying about whether you’re good enough or not,’ she carried on, still struggling to keep upright. ‘You’re a star and if you let go of you’re fear and just focus on your passion for what you do you’ll really go far.’

I thought it only fair to help her get back to her flat, which luckily was only a few steps away (but for her I think it seemed like a few miles!). I thanked her for all she had said, but she was so pissed I don’t think she’ll remember any of it, hey ho.

When I got home I just sat on the sofa trying, with my mug of tea, trying to understand what had just happened. Most of the people I told this story to just said ‘oh she’s just some crazy old pissed bird, don’t take any notice of her!’ But to be so accurate was very bizarre.

So thanks to the crazy drunken lady from Plymouth I was able to finally answer this question that had been bugging me for days on end. For me the answer is not to wonder about whether you’re good enough, but to just focus on being the very best you can and to always know you can do anything you put your mind to. But I think the most important thing is to let everyone else make their own minds up as to whether you’re good enough or not, don’t try and guess for them – otherwise you’ll end up like me and have a stupid question whizzing round you’re brain for days on end.

And let’s face it, there’s far more important thing to do… like sitting out in this lovely sunshine. Which is exactly what I’m going to do now See ya next week!